Every Christian man has at least one — the person whose name on the calendar makes the day heavier, the call he avoids, the family member he dreads. Scripture is unembarrassed about this; it commands prayer for the person you want to avoid, and Jesus took it further by commanding prayer for actual enemies. This article is the practical version of that prayer — the one that almost always changes the man praying it before it changes the situation.
Why Pray for the Difficult Person
Scripture commands what the heart resists.
"Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" — Matthew 5:44
Jesus did not give an opt-out for personality clashes. The command covers everyone — the difficult boss, the underperforming employee, the in-law you cannot stand, the neighbor who plays his music too loud at 6 AM. The Christian who refuses to pray for the difficult person is operating outside the explicit teaching of Christ. The prayer is required; the feeling that motivates it follows the discipline of the prayer itself.
A Prayer for the Difficult Person in Your Life
Use this verbatim or adapt to the specific person.
Father, I bring [name them] to You. You know exactly what they have done. You know exactly how I feel about them. I lay both at Your feet. Soften my heart toward them. Help me see them the way You see them — as someone You created, someone You love, someone You died for. Bless them today. Bless their work, their family, their walk with You. Where they are wounded, heal them. Where they are deceived, give them sight. Where they are hard, soften them — and where I am hard toward them, soften me. In Jesus' name, amen.
How the Prayer Changes You First
The prayer for the difficult person almost always changes the prayer-er first.
Three shifts that happen inside 30 days of praying for someone difficult by name: (1) You start to see them as a person rather than a problem. (2) The grip of resentment loosens — not because they changed, but because you did. (3) You start to notice your own contribution to the difficulty. The Christian who prays for his enemy is not letting the enemy off the hook; he is making sure the resentment does not own him.
Verses to Pray Back to God
Pray Scripture into the relationship.
Romans 12:14 — "Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them; pray that God will bless them." Romans 12:18 — "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." 1 Peter 3:9 — "Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing." Luke 6:28 — "Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you."
When the Person Has Done Real Harm
Some difficulties are not personality clashes — they are real wrongs.
Praying for someone who has done real harm is not the same as approving of the harm or staying in an unsafe situation. Scripture commands the prayer; it does not command continued vulnerability to abuse, manipulation, or ongoing sin. The Christian leader can pray for and forgive someone while still establishing necessary boundaries. Read more: 30 Bible Verses About Forgiveness.
Build the Habit
Pick one difficult person. Pray for them by name daily for 30 days. Use the prayer above. Notice what shifts. The Christian leader who has built this practice with one person can build it with anyone — including the people who will challenge him in the season ahead.
Free: Identity in Christ Declarations
When difficult people attack your identity, declare what God says is true. 10 declarations to plant your flag.
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Let's get to work.
Frequently Asked Questions
How should a Christian pray for difficult people?
Pray for them by name. Bring your honest feelings to God — He already knows them. Ask Him to soften your heart, help you see the person as He sees them, bless them, and address whatever in them is producing the difficulty. Praying for the difficult person almost always changes the prayer-er more than the situation.
Does the Bible really say to pray for enemies?
Yes. Matthew 5:44 — "Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" Luke 6:28 — "Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you." Romans 12:14 — "Bless those who persecute you... pray that God will bless them." This is one of the clearest commands in the New Testament — and one of the most consistently ignored by Christians.
How can I pray for someone who has hurt me badly?
Start small. You may not be able to pray a sincere blessing on day one. You can pray "Father, soften my heart toward them" — that is a real prayer. Build from there. Over weeks of honest prayer, the heart usually shifts. The man who refuses to start because he cannot do it perfectly never starts. Begin where you are.
Does praying for someone mean I have to reconcile with them?
No. Forgiveness is unilateral; reconciliation requires repentance from the offender and is not always possible or wise. Scripture commands the prayer and the forgiveness. It does not command continued vulnerability to ongoing harm. You can pray for, forgive, and bless someone while maintaining necessary distance.
What if I cannot stop being angry even after praying?
Pray longer. Anger is rarely on a one-prayer timeline. James 4:6 says God gives grace to the humble — keep showing up humbly. Bring a brother into it; pray for the person together. Ask God to show you what about the situation is feeding the anger — sometimes there is a wound or a fear underneath that needs separate attention. The fact that you keep praying when you do not feel like it is itself the discipline.